Memory

‘Insidious is blind inception...’ NF (mansion)  

I’ve tried to forget. 

But the very memories I tried to suppress became a menace. 

And in the process of opposing it, 

My ability to recollect moments was weakened, 

I forgot so many things,  

Lots and lots of memories shut down. 

All but the intended memory.  

I learnt detachment in the process.  

It became so easy  

My body and mind  

Aggressively protecting me from impending harm, 

All while dealing with what was stuck in my head. 

‘My mind is a home I’m trapped in...’ NF (mansion) 

Now I look and do not see 

Most of my recollections of events are hazy  

I listen but do not hear  

I have to actively pay attention or I would not get anything.  

The defence I once put up has now proved to be a snare  

Lethargy and indifference were my companion  

I had to work extra hard to care  

It is something I once knew, I once possessed;  

The ability to care.  

But now all I can do is remember how I used to care and ponder;  

‘What is missing in my life?  

I tried. 

I just can’t.  

I can mirror it but it is never genuine.  

A protection that became a trap.